back of the napkin #60
Whoo hooo! It's Friday!

as if no one knows

TBTIt used to bother me...

People going through grief saying they think no one knows what they're going through.

It's not that I think people shouldn't grieve.  They most certainly should, and do. But why assume that the condition of grief is constant? Why think that things will never change? When grief is fresh, it's the same as having an ever-present paper cut or a bruise that doesn't seem to heal.

I know.

I have - and sometimes still have - moments of grief.

With the death of my dad from cancer, and then the sudden death of my mom from an aneurysm, the pain seemed constant and consistent. Together in the context of a church informing me I was "unpersonable" and I felt shipwrecked on the island of nothing. Loss, loneliness, emptiness, fear. There were days when I had not just feelings of grief, but desires to stop living altogether. And yes, I felt at the time that things would never change, and the best times in my life were gone. The sun would never shine as brightly. I would never laugh as heartily. Everywhere I turned seemed to remind me of what I had lost.


And yet, what they say is true. Time goes on. Feelings mellow. The heart finds a way to cope. There are indeed stages to grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). But I learned that after awhile, people tired of my rehearsing my feelings - and I learned to move on and grow in the midst of such trauma.

When dealing with grief, some insist that their grief is something no one else understands? Why insist that time will never change the way they currently feel?  Why do they seem to hang on to the loss, the heartache, the loneliness, and many other feelings they have had/will have?

Because it is still so very real, I guess.

When I finally reached "acceptance", I didn't stop feeling. There were - and still are - times when I feel the sadness and loneliness return. The tears well up, the heart grows heavy, and I find myself in the wishing tree - for that one more day, for that one more smile, for that one more hug.

And they never come.

I guess I could live as if no one will ever know how I feel, but I realize they do. And the ones dealing with the grief that is still present? I pray they, too, will come to realize that they aren't alone in the world.


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