happily ever after
remembering mom...

The Vicious Bully

WinkyI wrote this blog entry a year ago - just about the time I was leaving one job and beginning another. Emotions were pretty raw at the time. But after a year, I think it's time to post it.

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Recently I had interaction with someone who was trying to alter facets of my job but who neglected to discuss the proposal with me. Now granted, the person was within their rights to pursue developments and changes based upon their views and discussions with others. Nevertheless, professionalism -- and just plain common courtesy -- dictates that one should necessarily consider the proposals with the one doing the lion's share of the work -- which was me.

But they did not.

 

And so, as I had promised this person that I would let them know when something upset me, I communicated my displeasure at their actions and offered an optional activity that would have been a better use of their time. Instead of an apology from understanding and a mutual agreement/re-commitment to doing better at working together, I got attitude, excuses, and justifications for their unprofessionalism. It all ended with the person calling me a name.

I was told I was a "vicious bully".

The name caller had also seen to it that I no longer worked directly with them. I was never informed of changes to the duties I had previously been assigned, and even though I had always been careful to inform the person of completed work, I was not afforded the same courtesy. When I would go to work on that which I had been assigned to do, I would find it already been done, and I was not notified that the work had been completed, nor had I received an explanation for the "theft" of my work. Meetings that changed the duties of workers must have been held, but somehow not informing those involved in the work to begin with seems duplicitous.

While walking through this valley of deceit, the vicious bully discovered that he is not the first person who had to deal with such a schizophrenic manipulator. Granted it is a measured comfort to know that my suffering was mirrored in the experience of others. Even though the name caller has garnered a reputation of being "difficult" among other co-workers, I was willing to continue to work with them while dealing with their two-faced opinions of others and their unprofessionalism.

Still, isn't it interesting that when someone begins to see that the emperor's new clothes do nothing to hide Winkythat which everyone denies seeing, the person who giggles and points out the king's nakedness is made to feel as though they are the ones not seeing the false reality that has been erected. Ironic that the deceived spends more time trying to convince others of their own blindness rather correcting that which is causing such self-deception within.

The vicious bully (um, namely...me) decided that such a hostile work environment was no longer worth the heartache and frustration. I decided not to continue in contexts of deception and inconsideration, waiting to be thrown under the bus for "lack of performance" when I was never informed that the duties I had been assigned had been snatched from my hands without any professional communication. I had proof of such unprofessional behavior; I considered taking it to my contract employer, but I know I would end up with tire tracks on my back while the unprofessional manipulator received a slap on their wrist (if that) and a slap on the back for a job well done. Best just to move on and let the deceived continue to live in their deception.

I knew I could do better than what I encountered each working day. It became clear it is time to move on. Such searches are difficult, but difficult times can provide much growth and development and ultimately add to the wonder of life's adventure.

And maybe I'll consider having my gravestone carved with the epitaph "The Vicious Bully" with a winking smiling emoji to point out the absurdity of someone who let their ego and ignorance blind them to the one person who knew they were nothing more than a schizophrenic manipulator -- and yet still would have been honored to be their friend and co-worker.

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